3/24/2005

Lynn, Why You Beastin?

Can we PLEASE declare a moratorium on the faux teen slang? Not only is Lynn making herself look foolish for using it, she's making us look dopey for reading it.

We have been treated to a torrid of "foobs" in recent days, and there's been nearly two dozen utterances of slang that I'm willing to bet no self-respecting teen -- or even one living in Canada -- really uses. This spectacle is similar to your grandma trying to appear "with it" by saying the word "groovy" a lot.

Here's the list of Lynn-style "teenspeak" that has been foisted on us in just the last three days:

  • doofus (twice)
  • hunk
  • nerd (twice)
  • foob (four times)
  • hottie
  • total hotbod
  • zombie
  • airhead
  • totally hot
  • fries

    OK, I'm not totally sure about that last one. . The phrase was "a total hotbod getting fries." It could mean "pommes frites." But the Urban Dictionary of slang defines fries as "female legs." ("There's an attractive person getting female legs?" Naah, that can't be right.) Or, maybe it's more more Lynn-style teenspeak -- meaning, say, "French kissing" or "heavy petting." I'm so confused.

    Plus, when April voice bubbles the standard-English word "label" it's put in quotation marks. Seems to me the normal meaning would apply here. But, it is in quotes, implying its use is somehow idiomatic. The aformentioned Urban Dictionary defines "label" as "a title given to someone who is blatently trying to fit in with one of the stereotypical high school 'cliques'." Appropriate, I guess, but I suspect the use of "quotes" here is just a reflection of Lynn's basic inability to use them "correctly."

    If it even is Lynn. Does anyone else think the block lettering and voice bubbles have suddenly started looking different in the past couple of days?

    Speaking of the Urban Dictionary, it now includes the word "foob," a word which others have speculated was wholly concocted by Lynn. But, dictionary's definition really makes me wonder what Becky has been trying to say:

    "Fat + boobs = foobs; the fleshy breast like rolls of fat on backs and near the shoulder blades, even on the side, or stomach, depending on the number of lumps: 'Mrs. Lavine wore a blue dress that showed all her foobs.'"

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  • 13 Comments:

    Anonymous Zigibot said...

    April rates a "6" in fashion? A six!? Jeez, what do you have to do to earn a 1 from Becky? Have three antennae sticking out of your hair?

    11:06 AM  
    Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Dudes, you think too much. Let's go hang at the Mallmart.

    11:10 AM  
    Anonymous Anonymous said...

    I am so down with mallmart

    2:12 PM  
    Anonymous Anonymous said...

    I think that's right next door to Voldemart.

    And, seriously, zigibot....April is "pissed" about those ratings? Those are pretty damn good. I'd be happy with those ratings. Christ. And she did ask for them after all.

    Basically it comes down to this:
    a) Becky is a twit. But as the majority of teenagers are twits, Becky has a roughly 50/50 chance of getting over it and becoming a relatively decent person by the time she's in her 20's.

    b) April is a twit who is also self-rightous about other twits and revels in her own supposed precociousness. There is much less of a chance that she will ever get over that.

    Oh, wait. I'm "labelling" people. I'm sooooo bad. Nevermind. I'm going to go become best friends with a special needs kid, because that will work out perfectly and make both of us feel totally fulfilled.

    3:39 PM  
    Anonymous Anonymous said...

    "April is "pissed" about those ratings? Those are pretty damn good. I'd be happy with those ratings. Christ. And she did ask for them after all."

    Yeah, but I think April wanted Becky to say, "Oh, I could never rate my best FRIEND!" Instead, she regarded April objectively (or very generously). So April stormed off because how dare Becky treat her like everyone else.

    6:51 PM  
    Blogger Visaman666 said...

    Getting fries means getting fries, they are in a school cafeteria for heaven's sake.

    11:01 PM  
    Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Hey, thanks for clarifying that Visaman666. Had you not offered that rare insight, we might have misinterpreted the "what does fries" comment as a joke!

    4:31 AM  
    Anonymous Nick said...

    I think Becky in a 9 in looks but a 2 in brains. Elizabeth Patterson is a 10 in looks, 10 in brains, but only a 6 in fashion. As for the father, Mr. John Patterson, I just think he is a total FOOB!!!!!!

    5:00 PM  
    Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Becky gets a nine in looks usually if you exclude her butt. I like her hair. Fashion...seven? I don't think it's that bad but sometimes she wears ugly pants like April. Brains I can't rate fairly because she's a character created to act completely inhuman and make April's "good deeds" look like something special instead of regular human decency.

    April? Looks four, fashion three, brains, two.

    1:20 PM  
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