You Simply Must Try Dee's Cinqo de Mayo Margaritas

The big question in the latest bizarro Sunday, full-color FBoFW is: "why"? Why, exactly, would the boy editor tell his daughter that Mommy's teat was squirting out chocolate milk? What response was he hoping to elicit? Seems like the best possible outcome would be sibling rivalry, while the worst would be a 3-year-old brat pushing her nursing brother out of the way while sucking mommy dry in hopes of getting a Nestle's Quik fix.

But, one thing we know about Michael: He is achingly honest. So, if he told Merrie Dee is serving up choc milk for Easter, I bet she really is. And what does Deanna put out on the other holidays?

  • St. Patrick's Day: Green breast milk
  • Christmas: Egg Nog
  • Passover: Matzoh Ball Soup
  • Valentine's Day: Those disgusting little candies that say "Be Mine," "Love U" and, in this case, "Suck Me."
  • Dominion Day: Maple syrup (in honor of the maple leaf on the Canadian flag)
  • Thanksgiving: Gravy (a little too lumpy for some people's taste)
  • National Pharamcist's Day: Ritalin

Last week was grandpa's wet dream, this week Deanna's lactation. Why do I feel next Sunday we can look forward to a long installment about Elly's arm flaps?

  • Today's strip

    ...And don't miss....

  • The etymology of "foob" (read this and tell me the folks at FBoFW Corporate haven't lost their collective minds)

    Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Holy Cow. Someone needs to send the Urban Dictionary to Lynn. Exactally what planet does she live on?

    You know, I wish the person who colors these strips would make up their mind. Is Robin's hair blond or brown. Sometimes it's the same color as Dee and Merrie's hair and sometimes it's the same color as Mike's.

    And way to go Lynn, you just grossed out a huge chunk of your readership. Believe it or not, but there are tons of people who are completely freaked out by breast feeding.

    11:49 AM  
    Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Merrie's 2 1/2, not three (I'm just saying!).

    Please don't be dissin' lactation!

    (But I agree that Michael's little joke was a bad idea. . . .)

    To anonymous, bf is not "gross." Folks who are freaked out by it should grow up.

    5:28 PM  
    Anonymous Foobar said...

    It seems like Sunday FBOFW's are getting weirder each week. Last week's was really freaky, too.


    And while breastfeeding is not at all gross--the idea of a woman producing chocolate out of her boobies is really...um...tasteless. Wouldn't it be a b*tch to wash out bras if you accidentally lactated? :D

    7:00 PM  
    Anonymous LC said...


    Dear Ms Johnston,

    It seemed foolish to believe this of a celebrity like yourself, but all along I was convinced that you were well aware of the internet cottage industry that exists for the sole purpose of mocking FBOFW, its "plots", characters, your odd predilection for quoting "various" words in a way that makes sense only to you, and of course, your version of the jive talk all the hep kids are using these days.

    A sane person would pooh-“pooh” the very idea of a Very Important Cartoonist such as you busily "surfing" the net, "checking out" and probably cataloging these sites when your time could be better spent creating a mythical native village or sipping chai lattes with Elly and Moira in your head. I did briefly toy with the idea that possibly you’d assigned one of your minions to do it for you, but when I looked at your site it seemed like they’d all be too busy coloring your strip, doing the lettering, working on your e-commerce, opening your mail and giving each other group hugs to bother with such piddling stuff – especially since such sites are the very antithesis of all that is good, wholesome, and Patterson-eqsue. I guess I just naturally assumed you and your staff would take a WWED (What Would Elly Do?) attitude towards such sites – a quick tsk-tsk, followed by gentle, noble disregard.

    Now I know this wasn't foolish at all. My proof? The FOOBery page on your site! You *are* watching us, aren’t you? You *know* we’re here. I think you’ve decided to fight everyone back, with FOOBery being the first warning volley from your side to those who would mock what is good and decent in your eyes. And this may be narcissistic, it may be egotistical, but this Sunday’s strip has convinced me that you’re gunning for me in particular.

    For some time now I've made a little hobby out of mocking your strips. I began with "I was a teenage roadside gig," moved on to "My monthly letter to you" (which unintentionally helped get the old site TOSd, probably with your help, you cranklepuss, you!), cranked out "Being a stay-at-home mom is hard work!/Where's my dinner, bitch?" and my latest offering, "Cartoon strip character canonized."

    It's not much, I know, but I'm pretty proud of my small contributions to the genre. But you just make it so damned easy. Heck, it’s nothing to pen a quick Onion-inspired point-counterpoint aimed at your uniquely one-sided portrayal of young married life. It’s hardly a credit to me that I take the time to do what any idiot could do with your generous helpings of unintentionally comedic raw material.

    But now, Johnston, now you’ve decided to take this “outside,” as it were. Did you think I wouldn’t figure it out, woman? Did you think I wouldn’t realize that you’ve decided to test my comedic talents by drawing (and having someone else do all the detailing, inking and coloring) a strip which on its face should be prime mocking material yet provides no clear manner of delivery? Beckers was an obvious choice for the short-essay format, Elly’s sojourn in Mtigwaki lent itself well to a monthly-letter parody, Mike and Dee were prime candidates for point-counterpoint. But you saw the errors of your ways, and decided to present me with a Sunday strip that seemingly has no obvious parody format to it, an epistle about Dee’s chocotitties, daring me to do something with it.

    I accept your challenge, Johnston. It might take me an hour, it might take me a day, it might take me a week, months, years even – but I will mock it, and I’ll mock it well. Bring it on, Johnston. It’s gonna be a “bloodbath.”


    7:15 PM  
    Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Tempest in a Teat-Pot: Canadian Cartoonist Stirs Breastfeeding Controversy

    A Canadian cartoonist found herself in hot water – make that chocolate milk – with health experts and nursing mothers everywhere due to her depiction of a character as lactating “chocolate.”

    The strip, which chronicles the daily lives of a loving, close-knit Canadian clan, touched off a firestorm of controversy and criticism Easter Sunday over a strip in which a father tells his toddler daughter that her mother is nursing the family’s new baby with “chocolate.”

    “What was she thinking?” fumed La Leche League spokesperson Moira Poirier. “Not only is this strip not funny, it just perpetuates the myth that breastfeeding is dirty and wrong by pretending that a socially acceptable substance like chocolate is secreted instead of breast milk.”

    In fact, lactating women do not produce chocolate via the breasts. “Uh, no,” said Dr. Becky Krelbutz, a well-known expert in women’s health. “Generally the milk secreted by a nursing mother does not contain chocolate or any chocolate-like substance or for that matter, anything that looks, smells or tastes remotely like chocolate. Who told you they did?”

    Many nursing mothers also found the strip disturbing. “She totally wrecked it for me,” said Beatrice McGuire, mother of four-month-old Duncan. “I’ve always been really excited about breastfeeding my baby. After all, breast milk is nature’s perfect food and a real bonding experience between mother and child. I always felt positive about it but then I saw that strip and, well, it gave me a ‘visual’ I just couldn’t get rid of, so now I’m switching him to formula.”

    The young mother was close to tears as looked down at her sleeping infant. “I just hope he doesn’t get rickets.”

    But it’s not just physicians and moms who are disturbed by the cartoon’s treatment of breastfeeding. According to a member of the artist’s staff, who spoke on the condition of anonymity, “Leave it to her to screw up something as natural as breastfeeding. We tried to talk her out of it on the grounds that if you have to explain the joke – and here’s a hint, the kid was searching for chocolate eggs in the first few panels – then it’s just not funny. But she refused to listen, saying that we were just afraid of controversy.”

    The cartoonist has used her strip as a vehicle for social commentary in the past. When contacted for comment, she released the following statement. “My characters are as real to me as my own family. I know them, everything about them – their likes, their dislikes – to me; they are real, living people. As such, they encounter normal, everyday situations such as menopause, model trains, homosexuality and breastfeeding. The strip is meant as a humorous, slice-of-life view into Easter and breastfeeding. More than one young dad has made the mistake of telling a child that mommy’s breasts make chocolate or Strawberry Quick and suffered the consequences. If it’s controversial to some, so be it. I go where the characters lead me.”

    This statement stunned the anonymous staffer. “She’s obviously off her meds again,” he groaned. “Hopefully she’ll be back on them before Halloween. I don’t even want to think of what orifice young dads make the mistake of telling kids trick-or-treat candy comes from.”

    9:13 PM  
    Anonymous Smoke said...

    Drugs are just bad, you should try to use Herbal Alternatives as a temporary replacement to loose the dependance!

    10:41 PM  

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