4/08/2005

FBOFW: Later That Same Day

Dad: Um is there anything else you want to tell me? You haven't committed any serious crimes have you?

April: Oh no, people who commit serious crimes are evil. I couldn't live with myself if I did that. Well, I did break into to someone's house once an' stole his TV.

Dad:
Really.

April: It was a long time ago. An' the guy didn't care about the TV.

Dad: That's nice.

April: Because as I was taking the set, the guy came downstairs. So, I had to kill him. But, it's OK. It was just a stereotypical Indian guy.

Dad: Really.

April: I don't know how people who chop up corpses live with themselves. Well, I did chop up his corpse, but I didn't leave it lying around! I buried him in the basement of mom's store. One time, Kortney was down there sniffing around, so I knew I had to get rid of her.

Dad: Like how.

April: I was going to kill her. But, I just couldn't live with myself if I committed multiple homicides. Well, I could live with myself, but I'd forgotten my rod. So, I tried stapling her with mom's staple gun. When she threatened to tell on me, I just made up a story about how she was stealing money from mom, an' planted some evidence at her house. Moira took care of the rest. She is such a foob.

Dad: That's right.

CUT TO SUPERMARKET WHERE KORTNEY WORKS


Kortney: What's this?

April: Just a reminder not to rat me out.

Onomatopoeia: Staple! Staple! Kershinkifunklima? Staple!


  • Today's strip
  • 15 Comments:

    Anonymous A. Bunker said...

    Hats off to Lynn Johnston for her sensitive portrayals of ethnic types -- the Indian storeowner, the Jewish landlord and, of course, those bitchy French Canadians. Lynn, just in case you're running out of ideas, here are some more for you:

    --Chinese dry cleaner
    --Italian pizza maker (have him have one of those big bushy mustaches. Those are soo funny)
    --German lederhosen maker
    --Argentinian gaucho
    --Mtigwakian igloo builder

    8:51 AM  
    Anonymous marciamarcia said...

    I think she's used the pizza maker before...at least, I seem to remember a mustache like that drawn in her style someplace.

    I can't figure out whether John made April go pay Mr. Singh, or whether she went of her own accord.

    But, knowing how precocious she's supposed to be...I suppose she did it herself. Then she went and taught one of the African-American thugs down the street how to read (and, of course, how to love).

    8:55 AM  
    Anonymous Anonymous said...

    FBOFW Ethnic Stereotype Spoilers!

    That's right, kids! We've gotten a sneak preview of upcoming FBOFW ethnic stereotypes! In the next few weeks the team at FBOFW will be entertaining us with the following hilarious storylines!

    - April befriends a shy, quiet Asian girl and draws her out of her shell. April learns the girl is being forced into an arranged marriage and saves the day by substituting a heavily veiled Edgar in Ming Kwan's place at the ceremony!

    - A drunken Irishman comes to The Dentist for some reconstructive work after a bar fight. Doc John attempts to lecture Paddy on the evils of drink, only to find himself minus his own front teeth when Paddy head-butts him!

    - A nerdy Asian guy arrives chez Patterson to fix Elly's darned computer ... and Elly is chagrined to learn that the reason why "the box" won't work is that it's not plugged in!

    - Mira, the interfering mother-in-law hires a black mammy to care for Merrie and Robin over Deanna and Mike's objections. Dee and Mike try to tell Sky'Quisha they don't need a nanny ... but relent when they learn Sky'Quisha really needs the job to support her lazy husband Leroy and their fifteen children!

    - Elly decides to hire another employee. After a long interview process, she settles on Rosita, a young Puerto Rican whose hot Latin temper keeps everyone at Lilliput's on their toes!

    - April learns that Duncan and Gerald are hooked on marijuana sold to them by a large black man named De'Shawn who skulks near the school playground. April tells Officer John MacGillucuddy, a beefy traffic cop, about the black drug dealer. Office MacGillucuddy investigates and finds that De'Shawn is laundering his drug money through a Jewish pawnshop!

    - Mike and Dee are grateful to Lovey for renting them the apartment so cheaply. Little do they know there's a price to be paid -- weekly Sabbath dinners at Lovey's with plenty of matzohs and kvetching!

    - Not content with just hiring Sky'Quisha, Mira presents Mike and Dee with an extra-special Christmas gift -- a British butler named Jeeves! Sky'Quisha and Jeeves can't see eye-to-eye on anything and wacky hijinks ensue!

    10:21 AM  
    Anonymous WoodrowFan said...

    Don't forget

    -- the illegal Mexican gardner
    -- the Texas cowboy.
    -- the oh-so-stylish gay couple from Vermont.

    10:54 AM  
    Anonymous Anonymous said...

    One of the things that always cracks me up in FBOFW (because it sure ain't the "gags") is the poorly executed attention to details. For example, in today's epic, Lynn goes out of her way to include a Lotto sign in Mr. Singh's shop. But, what does it say? "Lotto. WIN!"

    1:07 PM  
    Anonymous Anonymous said...

    WoodrowFan,

    Dang, I wish I'd included those! Other fun stereotypes we should probably look out for:

    - Ululating Middle Easterners
    - Mullet-sporting lesbians
    - Skiing Norwegians
    - Dutch prostitutes
    - Vodka-soaked Russians
    - Yodeling Swiss
    - Loud, gyro-eating Greeks
    - Polite Japanese
    - Dumb blondes
    - Pot-smoking Jamaicans

    Coming soon to a sermonizing strip near you ...

    LC

    2:51 PM  
    Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Pot smoking Jamacians? Uh oh I smell a very special strip featuring Duncan!

    3:52 PM  
    Anonymous Islamorada Girl said...

    Wait! We also have David, the fine- boned, great dancing gay pal of Liz! We haven't seen his home, but I'm sure it looks like everything came out of Pottery Barn. Oh, and the life partners who run the nursery.

    Not to mention the happy mariachi singers from Mexico. . .

    4:51 PM  
    Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Well, of COURSE, Islamorada! David is gay, therefore he's a FABULOUS dancer and his living quarters are straight from Pottery Barn! Except the kitchen -- William Sonoma all the way, sweetie! That's not to mention all the scented candles and the millions of CDs he's got! Furthermore, there's several closets of GORGEOUS clothes and theres just a TON of great-smelling hair and body products in his bathroom! Gays are just so stylish and just so much fun!

    LC

    6:22 PM  
    Anonymous Juli said...

    *standing ovation*

    Bravo! I have had my laugh of the day, and it's only 25 minutes old.

    Great job everybody!

    9:26 PM  
    Blogger Visaman666 said...

    Not too many Peurto Ricans in Canada, I'm afraid. Most likely the drug pushers would be from Peru seeking refuge status,or Vietnamiese boat people.

    I predict April will become a stripper to pay for her college education and fall prey to the Hell's Angels.

    3:32 AM  
    Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Reading these comments was WAY funnier than the strip itself has ever hoped to be!

    We can't forget the wacky beer-drinking Canadian guys themselves, though, dressed in parkas and sitting in front of a coffee table littered with empty beer bottles! Eh!

    4:58 PM  
    Anonymous WoodrowFan said...

    Wouldn't April use a couple Italian guys named "Guido" and "Tony the Knife" to do her threatening for her?

    1:18 PM  
    Anonymous Anonymous said...

    My favorite is Paddy head-butting dentist John. I can just see the look on his face, and the little "movement" lines everywhere!

    4:53 PM  
    Anonymous Christmas gift for a kid said...

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    11:48 PM  

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