Today's Fare

This is the third or fourth time April's awkward teen lingo has depicted fiiine-looking males as some sort of edible snack. Oh sure, we could pontificate about the inappropriateness of a family-oriented comic strip habitually objectifying the opposite sex (or, in this case, caramelizing it). But, we aim to be more helpful than that.

Because, we fear, this story arc is intended to send us all clues about Lynn's pending retirement. As has been mentioned a zillion times, Elly is Lynn's alter-ego. All this talk about retirement at a premature age, selling brandnames, living off real estate investments -- gotta feeling we're seeing the Johnston family game plan here.

Which would be a bummer. Not only do we make our living riffing off of FBoFW (did you know "Elly's Revenge" pays in excess of $200K per year!? Canadian, sure, but still it's a nice living), but we hate to think of anyone giving up as cushy a job as "writing" FBoFW. Seriously, how much effort can this require? Dreaming up the occasional rhyming phrase ("rooting, tooting, scooting"), pun ("I sphinct erefore I am") or offkey onomatopoeia ("Snozz! umm! snuffle! snark! smack!")? It can't be that hard.

We have to believe it's the additional burden of creating mealtime metaphors that has pushed Lynn over the edge. So, to help the FBoFW creative team through this hard time, here are some more phrases April can use to verbalize her lust for hotbods and totally buff guys.

  • meat sandwich, hold the bun!
  • spicy marinara
  • hard dinner roll
  • hot sausage
  • chunky bleu cheese
  • California roll
  • taquito
  • souvlaki
  • creme-filled long John

Gasp, gasp...

  • sloppy joe
  • kosher salami
  • mahi mahi
  • YooHoo
  • calamari
  • pudding....Jello-brand pudding


  • Gala apple
  • chile relleno
  • frozen pizza

Er, let's see...there's also:
  • pomegranate
  • zilzil tibbs
  • organic 2% milk

...Hmm, this is harder than I realized. Perhaps I'll sell Elly's Revenge to FOOBiverse and just live off my building rental income.

  • Today's strip

    Blogger MaryAnnTheRest said...

    May I point out that Marcia Brady also had a crush on a dentist? So maybe it's a typical teenage girl thing I totally missed in my adolescence? Nah.

    8:10 AM  
    Anonymous Anonymous said...

    I remember "rich dessert on the table", but what were the other culinary compliments?

    8:15 AM  
    Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Yeah you're right! You totally missed Hot Tamale!

    Maybe Lynn is hinting that SHE is going to retire, but the strip is not! It's going to be run by her current assistants! Eveb lamer storylines insue (because I think they are responsible for a lot, but then again, maybe Lynn is only holding them back)!

    8:25 AM  
    Anonymous Anonymous said...

    What are zilzil tibbs? Some kinda Ethiopian spiced tartare thing?

    12:30 PM  
    Anonymous A Bunker said...

    I'm pretty sure ZilZil Tibbs was Sydney Poitier's character's name in "In the Heat on the Night": "They call me zilzil tibbs."

    Or else... "Long strings of prime tender beef, seared over hot charcoal grill seasoned with garlic, black pepper & purified butter."

    Kitfo is the tartare. But you'd have to be totally roadside to call someone "kitfo."


    1:51 PM  
    Anonymous ellcee said...

    These would be the rentals which magically appeared in the building you suddenly own, right?

    I don't know *what* I'm going to do when FBoFW is finally taken out back of the barn and shot. Point-counterpoints won't really work with other strips.


    4:50 PM  
    Anonymous Charles said...

    Lemon Chiffon Pie

    Oops, that's if she's a lesbian.

    10:22 PM  

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